Deaf People WTF?!?

So I was out earlier today walking my dog and this kid that was wandering through my neighborhood walks up to me. And I'm like "Dude watch out. 'Cause Crazy Katie bites". And he keeps coming. So I grab Crazy Katie real quick and he just comes on up into my personal space trying to push some note at me and showing me some case of merchandise he's got. So I yell, "Hey stupid I said to watch the fuck out!" But he just keeps trying to push his notes at me totally ignoring me. Finally some of the neighbors come out and see me arguing with this kid. And one of them says, "I think he's deaf. That's what the note says." And I'm like, "That's why I'm fucking yelling!" It's not my fault he's deaf. He should have thought about that before he came into my neighborhood. And this neighbor says, "Well I don't think you need to yell at him he was just trying to sell candy for his school".
"Oh yeah? It's called free speech. It's my right. Maybe you should go to school and learn about it!!!" Then me and C.K. took off in a different direction and went home the back way so the guy couldn't track me back to my mom's.

Crazy Katie

What's Going On?

Man you readers are stupid. I haven't gotten one good idea for what to blog about yet. You guys need to speak up! I don't know how many of you guys are out there yet, but I would guess millions. If any of you know other fans of mine then please share this blog with them. You might have to refer them to some of my great comments on other people's blogs. Remember that time I told that one guy how much his blog sucked? Or that other time I told that other person that their opinion was totally wrong and they must be a complete idiot? That stuff is great. Not everybody is able to come up with stuff like that. Anyway, I know that you love me so speak up!
O.K., I opened a book called 40 Questions to Ask at Dinner Parties and picked one out at random. "If you were to have a soiree with 4 famous people who would they be and why?" WTF?!? Does that count as one question or two? This book is a rip. The library slipped this book into my bag instead of Roadhouse today. I think that dude from yesterday must have set me up. A-Hole! So anyways...this question is easy.
#1 Simon Cowell--This guy is all about real criticism and free speech. Just like me. You just don't get more American than this guy. If you need more proof of his patriotism he's on a little show called American Idol.
#2 Laser--Another person that reminds me of myself. Laser was a regular on American Gladiators and he was all American and a BAD ASS! 'Nuff said.
#3 Bill O'Reilly--When people think of American heroes Bill O'Reilly is the first person that probably comes to mind. Much like me he's always willing to tell others how much their ideas are completely wrong.
#4 Kid Rock--I think Kid Rock came into my work the other day and ordered a number six then ran out without paying. Nobody else would believe me that it was him. So I'd invite him to prove everybody wrong.

Libraries WTF?!?

Hey everybody. I've just gotta blog about what happened today. So I finally get the call that Roadhouse has been returned, so I headed down to the Library before anybody else could get it. I must've seen that movie like fifty times last year, and I'm trying to break my record. Some a-hole checked it out on New Years though and now I'm playing catch up. Unthoughtful jerk.

So when I get to the library I see a guy I know from work. He's a part timer, but I think he wants to go full time when he graduates. He looks up to me a lot since I'm a lifer there and he wants to be as succesful as me one day. Who can blame him right? I'm always saying, "You gotta watch the time on those fries or you'll never move up in the company". That's gold in my industry. If you can master that, the skies the limit. So I say, "Hey Fry Guy, what the fuck are you doing in the library? Trying to fucking graduate?" And this douchebag that works there is all like, "You're going to have to keep your voice down son". And I'm all like, "Screw you jerk! Don't you have a book on the Constitution here or anything? You might want to check out chapter one. It's called free speech fuck face!" Then I had to leave real quick, because he started to come at me and I was about to go all James Dalton on his ass, and he wasn't even worth it.

I can't believe somebody that gets paid by my tax dollars wanted to infringe on my rights. I'm going to write my congressman to get him fired. That'll show him.

A New Day A New Post

I haven't really gotten the amount of response that I had expected to yet on this blog. I guess the word hasn't gotten out yet. So if you have something you want me to blog about, you better speak up now otherwise you might get drowned out when the crowd arrives....

still waiting...

still waiting...

still waiting...

still waiting...

OK y'know what, I'll get the ball rolling. I've recently started using a product that is the bomb. And it is...

This stuff really works. I mean, you're probably like me and have tried lots of stuff only to be dissapointed. Well know more fly by night scams for me. I've found my holy grail!!! Does anybody know any good offshore low key place I can order some of this stuff from online? I don't want to keep going to the Walgreen's they keep snickering when I go to the counter and order this stuff. Screw them.

Moms WTF???

Hey fans. I just went downstairs to get some Chef Boyardee since the Bears are beating the hell out of the Hurricane Katrinas and it really isn't a game anymore. Take that storm victims of New Orleans! Hah!

So anyways, I go down stairs and my mom's taking up the whole living room having some prayer meeting with her church group. Like she's the only one that lives here. So I say, "What're you whores talking about?", and my mom's all like, "Seriously, please don't use that kind of language in the house!" So I shout, "It's called free speech bitch!" and ran back to my room. I totally got her. I mean jeeze, she acts like she doesn't know that we live in the U.S. of A. I'm gonna go now and rock out to some Toby Keith.

I went on Vacation!!!

I just had a great idea. I'll share my vacation with you. People like you have probably never gotten to go on a kick ass vacation like me before. So here it is. I went to the beach. But get this, when I go to the beach I go to a nude beach. That's right, I figure I don't want to just share my magnificent intellect and but my sweet ass...uh well ass. Big lovin' comin at you. Free speech style!!

Check Me Out Bitches!!!!

Unfortunately most the chicks were too shy to talk to me. Intimidated I guess. But I definately saw them looking and pointing at me.

1st Post on the Best Blog Ever!!!

Here it is. After all the clamor for me to have my own blog, I've finally decided to do it. You probably all know me for my numerous comments in other people's blogs telling them how much they suck. Well it's time to show you all how it's done. This is what good blogs look like. I'll be posting on here regularly with great stories and picks about my life. This will undoubtedly be inspirational to all of you. Hopefully you will be able to live up to my fine example.
So does anybody have any suggestions for what to write about?